Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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