he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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