Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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