I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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