end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
