Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
