so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
