Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
