the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
