Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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