I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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