Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
