I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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