i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
