Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
