lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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