Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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