he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
