that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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