I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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