He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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