...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize