No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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