Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
