wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
