friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
