drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
