well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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