my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I AM VODKA MAN
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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