Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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