It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize