Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
