My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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