You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
