They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
