she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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