Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
