3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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