You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
