if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
