Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
