so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
