Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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