She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
