he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
