After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Randomize
