he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
