When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
