apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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