brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
