The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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