I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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