i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize