I didn't shave. On purpose
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
