My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
