I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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