You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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