So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
