he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
