my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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