im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
How external is "for external use only"?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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