I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
