sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I will pee on everything he values.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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