You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
