your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You're earring is so big in my mouth
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize