I wish I could teleport
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
